These are several concerning topics that bother many young men and, simply, aren't addressed very many places. (Warning that there is a computer image of a circumcised and non-circumcised penis below.) This is a serious article for serious readers.
Information and opinions are presented in "bullet" form where possible for clarity and quickest reference. This isn't meant to be a "story" or essay.
Here are the topics that will be covered here (not in a particular order of importance except #1):
- Your penis is not your brain, mind or decision-maker
- Put-downs, jokes, and undermining your value
- Size doesn't really matter
- Puberty early or later
- Circumcized or not
- Hanging to the left
- Urination issues
- Cleanliness and Grrooming -- front and back
- Getting hit in the "privates"
- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Erections and ED
- Premature ejaculation
- Health warnings vs. false alarms
- Prostate infections
- Testicular cancer
If you want a good medical website written by real doctors, take a look at:
- https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/overview-of-the-male-anatomy#:~:text=Testes%20(testicles).,producing%20a%20hormone%20called%20testosterone. There are several other links on that page that you might also find useful.
Your Penis Is Not Your Brain, Mind or Decision-Maker
- Your brain and mind are your decision-makers -- if you're smart and want to be successful.
- Your emotions are signals about your values, but they shouldn't control what you do or say.
- Your sexual urges are such signals.
- Sexual urges are part of your God-given physiology and can be healthy.
- It is worth your time to understand the sources of your emotions -- including what triggers your sexual urges.
- It doesn't make you a bad person to have certain feelings.
- Ask yourself if you really value physical pleasure uncoupled from love and relationships. Think about it.
- Again, it doesn't make you a bad person to have certain feelings.
- Act on the best within you. Get help if you need support for making these decisions.
- Forgive yourself if you make mistakes.
- Forgiveness doesn't mean there won't be consequences (and sex can be connected to some major consequences).
- Act on the best within you.
Put-downs, Jokes, and Undermining Your Value
- Younger and, even, older males seem to like to make fun of various male features or sex acts.
- Some of this is good-natured and just needs to be taken as such.
- Some of it is a subtle form of bullying and putting down the younger "less-endowed", however.
- Regardless, it is not generally an esteem-builder that enhances your feelings of self-worth.
- Much of it undermines your character, morals, confidence, and beliefs about sex as an act of love.
- Rarely is this kidding very positive.
- Be careful to avoid taking these comments to heart or letting them influence you -- even if they are "jokes".
- Be careful, especially when you are with younger boys/men, to avoid being a "bully" or "put-down-artist".
- Be a positive encourager, mentor, coach, and true friend.
Size Doesn't Really Matter
- "Size" is a cultural topic that comes up in sitcoms, movies, porn, and locker rooms. (See "jokes, etc." above.)
- People will refer to "well endowed", "well-hung", or "X inches" as if this is some sort of virtue or superiority.
- Non-erection size, however, has little or no relationship to erection size or hardness -- so why the locker room interest?
- It's inferred in the media and culture that all women prefer a much larger male organ -- but that isn't a fact.
- Studies indicate only a slight preference for over-average. Differences are within a few tenths of an inch, so who notices?
- Your love, loyalty to your partner, patience, communication, sensitivity to what's working, and foreplay are what counts.
- If you want something you can control, get it great shape. Women do like this. Your "stuff" will look larger in proportion.
- Ignore it all and be a loving loyal partner. You will be fine.
- The "size" stuff is all BS made up to give people something inconsequential to talk about.
- In case "size" wasn't a big enough concern...
- Being in the cold or swimming may cause your penis and testicles to draw up. This is 100% normal!
- There are guys who are concerned that someone may see them in the "locker room" after coming in from the cold.
- Why do you care what they think? Again, this is just a cheap sitcom joke. Forget about it!
- If you urgently need to pee, gently move the skin back and you may want to sit on the pot to avoid "misfire" spray.
Puberty Early or Later
- Seems like an endless list of ways society has to make you feel bad about your sexual "gear", right?
- You have no control over when you begin puberty, so let it be.
- It's not a big deal and everyone goes through it -- although people seem to want to make a big deal of it.
- Enjoy a few years less of sexual urges and focus on your schoolwork, athletics, music, church, good relationships, etc.
- Your "gear" will be ready to go by the time it will be wise to get sexually involved.
- You can hide them better if you wear looser jeans, black pants, over-size hoodies, and longer jackets.
- Every young man gets them -- especially teenagers.
- Nevertheless, some people will try to make fun of you as if you are some kind of "freak" -- but everyone gets them.
- They come at inappropriate or inopportune times -- for everyone, not just you.
- Be ready with some excuses if you get one -- like, "I think I'm going to throw up." Buckle over. No one will bother you.
- You can get rid of them by doing something -- like Math problems, exercise, washing the car, cutting firewood, etc.
- If you get one when slow dancing with a girl, that is very normal. I have no advice for this. Pull away slightly, though.
- Wearing snug underwear can help (see below).
- Masturbating may help if it happens at night (see below).
- If you have to pee when you have one of these, bend way over to give a straight path into the toilet.
- Try to pee before you get one if you feel it coming on and feel that you are going to have to pee soon.
- If you pee with one of these and it hurts, you may get some blood. You will heal, however, so relax.
- I wish I had known about the "I think I'm going to throw up" excuse when I was younger.
- Fortunately for you, the whitey-tighties that are too loose or too tight around your legs are going out of style.
- Super-loose boxers that leave everything flopping and bunch up in your butt are not the only alternative.
- Snug fit expanding fabric boxers will minimize unwanted hard-ons, wedgies, poke-outs, and flop-outs. Wear a tight size.
- Wear these at night under your PJ's to minimize nighttime sleep disruptions from erections.
- Again, even though this is a big sitcom and "guy" joke, every normal young man does this.
- Also known as "wet dreams" -- again a natural that happens to everyone and is not a source of embarrassment.
- Sometimes this is the only relief from your hard-on tension or sexual feelings -- especially when young and single.
- Masturbation is, by far, the superior choice relative to one-nighter, extra-marital, pay-for-sex, etc. alternatives.
- Substitute masturbation for the temptation to engage in intercourse outside of marriage -- good choice.
- The objective, then, is to manage this activity with character -- not to stop it or feel guilty about it if done "right".
- Be careful to avoid injuring yourself by staying away from using anything that might be damaging.
- Avoid porn stimulation because it associates sex with wrong behavior (promiscuous, adulterous) and bad people.
- Avoid stupid ideas like telling anyone about your activities, "circle jerks", or social network publishing.
- Pray for your future or current loving sexual relationship before and after.
- Focus your thoughts on your future or current pure loving permanent relationship.
- Exercise and work harder to use up more of your pent-up energy. Get busy with some important purpose in your life.
- Don't make masturbation one of your major hobbies.
- Shoot for once a week if you are young and single. Taper off as you get older.
- Shoot for rarity if you are married -- like only when away on long trips or with major partner health issues.
- This is a tough area, so give yourself a break.
Circumcized or Not
- It doesn't really matter if you are or not. You'll be ok. People have been OK either way for centuries.
- The computer rendering below will help you know whether you are or not.
- You may find that you are semi-circumcised -- half-way between.
- Here's a good website if you aren't: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/care-of-the-uncircumcised-penis
- If it bothers you a lot, you can have it done when you are an adult.
- You need to wash under the foreskin after you pull it back or it will smell somewhat (not good).
Hanging to the Left
- You may have looked in the mirror and noticed that you aren't 100% symmetrical.
- Relax. No one else is, either. One source said most men will hang to the left. You? Who cares?
- Most young men don't really want "breasts" and you may get kidded about it if yours are larger than average.
- I don't have a lot to help you with on this, so I will at least empathize with you because this was an issue for me.
- All men have some breast tissue. If you are overweight, you will have more.
- Some super-buff movie stars, NFL linemen, and bodybuilders are on the "more breast" side of average.
- Sometimes this is your anatomy, excess estrogen or not enough testosterone.
- This website might be helpful: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326637#exercises
- The main thing is excess fat. Google "man boobs into muscle" for help.
- A combination of exercise and diet can help tremendously -- and there are many other benefits of being in shape.
- Drink enough water, and you can avoid many issues. 64 oz s day is a great goal.
- Dark yellow urine is a sign of dehydration. You will get more cramps, get sleepy in class/meetings, not be as sharp.
- If you can't pee strongly, drink more water and try Kegel exercises: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/mens-health/in-depth/kegel-exercises-for-men/art-20045074 (note that it may also help your sexual performance).
- If you have blood in your urine, go to the doctor.
- Drink more water or low-sugar (not classic Gatorade) low-calorie substitutes.
Cleanliness and Grooming -- front and back
- Clean under your foreskin as mentioned in "Circumcision" above.
- Try "Dude Wipes" in the rear department after a #2.
- Trim (not shave) your pubic hair in front every 3 months or so.
- Trim (not shave) your asshole hairs every 3 months to minimize cling-ons.
- Go ahead, take a shower before sex -- and after before going back into public (we can smell you).
Getting Hit in the "Privates"
- It hurts, but you probably won't die. If it wasn't a martial arts hit, you will recover in a few minutes.
- Go ahead a soak up some attention for your 15 seconds of fame -- especially if a foul in basketball is involved.
- Since I'm not a doctor: https://www.urologyhealth.org/urology-a-z/t/testicular-trauma
- If something swells or turns black/blue -- get to the doctor ASAP.
- This involves your life, the mom's life, and the life of a new person -- so this isn't a time to mess around!
- If you are going to make a mistake in your life, pick something "safe" like piloting an airplane without training (just kidding).
- Don't count on someone else to have taken a pill, inserted a diaphragm, etc. unless you really know and trust them.
- The person you know and trust may make a mistake, but you will co-own it if she does.
- If you don't have intercourse, you won't get someone pregnant.
- Visualize the pregnancy possibility before you have sex. Do you love the scenario you visualize?
- If you use condoms, did you buy the best? Will you use them correctly or take a chance?
- If you are using the "rhythm method", assume that you will have a pregnancy within the next three months.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
- If you watch a lot of TV Sitcoms, you might think that this is a joke.
- Does everyone get a free pass on STD's if they are a good person?
- The truth is that modern medicine has a lot of therapeutics for STD's. They are good at developing new ones.
- Another truth is that the process of getting well is rarely pleasant, inexpensive, and without lingering damage.
- You can avoid almost all problems if you don't "exchange" any sexual fluids.
- Condoms are fairly good. Birth control and diaphragms aren't "safe sex" at all when STD's are concerned.
- Don't count on no new variants of STD's any more than you would count on no new COVID-19 variants.
- Good protection against pregnancy.
- Best protection, other than abstinance, against STD's.
- Not a good idea to save a few bucks or get one from a random source.
- People make the mistake of letting the need for "spontaneity" interfere with proper use.
Erections and ED
- With all of the commercials on radio and TV, everyone probably considers this to be problem #1 in the world!
- So, you always have the pills these days, but...
- If you are truly interested in sex with your partner, the erection should take care of itself.
- Don't try to have a basketball game on the TV in the background and pull this off.
- Give yourself lots of time -- and don't accept an "instant erection" performance expectation from your partner.
- Women may take several minutes to warm up. No problem. Give yourself the same amount of time.
- Try a lot more foreplay with your partner -- to the point where she is ready to come.
- Think about something else -- like counting the spots on the headboard.
- Keep her hands off of your "goodies" if that triggers you.
- Get tested earlier rather than later.
- It isn't a failing on your part -- just something you were born with.
- You can't spend your life agonizing over things you can't control.
- I'll have to leave alternative pregnancy alternatives like IVF to you -- but there are many resources.
- People make fun of this "snip-snip" operation and act like it is a big painful deal.
- It is a minor operation, totally painless while in progress, and minimally painful afterwords.
- Nonetheless, you can get a lot of good sympathy and appreciation from your partner.
- It is minimal compared to the female equivalent, so you really should do it if that's the choice.
- You may gain some weight afterward, but just exercise a little more and eat more protein.
- You should have a lot more sex with accidental pregnancy out of the way.
- If you have doubts about the need for more children in the future, use a sperm bank or adopt.
Health Warnings vs. False Alarms
- When in doubt, go see a doctor. Swelling, blood, discoloration, dysfunction, and soreness should not be overlooked.
- This is just mentioned because young men sometimes overdo it and the pressure causes a "blow out".
- Try to avoid lifting beyond your ability.
- Here's one you don't hear about often -- but it can knock you on your butt with fever, shivering, aches, etc.
- Check it out if you are having urination issues.
- Massive pressure on you prostate from a bicycle seat or equivalent can trigger it.
- One of the few adult cancers that is curable -- but you have to be diagnosed.
- Get a PSA test.
- Treated early, you can still live a normal life.
- Examine yourself: https://www.testicularcancerawarenessfoundation.org/
- Use a sperm bank before your operation.
- You are not alone and may want to join a support group for a while.